The Family Dominatrix

Completing the modern family’s most decadent needs.

We are all complex, multifaceted beings. We have likes, dislikes, curiosities, fears, aspirations and the ambitious need to nurture and grow in all those areas. Intimacy, weather sexual or platonic is high on most lists. The thought of hiring a dominatrix to spice up a relationship or find intimate growth may have crossed your mind already, or perhaps it was timidly bought up by your partner and you simply felt too intimidated by the process to pursue the idea further. BDSM is not for everyone, and it can be scary to venture into the depths of your most guarded desires, but if it is an interest of yours, my personal philosophy is to try everything once or twice before writing it off. I write this piece in hopes it will guide you and your partner(s) on your journey to finding the perfect provider for your needs and booked with no issues at all; just like booking your next hair appointment. 

Finding the Perfect Provider

 Part One : Prep

This is a big task and can seem dizzying to a novice. Let us break it down into fun bits that are easy and exciting to manage. The first thing you will want to nail down is what you are looking for. Ask yourself the following questions:

What do we like for sure?
What are we curious about and unsure we will enjoy?
What are we certainly not interested in trying at this point?
What scares us the most about this prospect?
What excites us the most about it?

It helps to write these down and don’t get too hung up on details at first, you can always change your mind later. Make a fun date out of it! Sit down with the person or people you want to explore your kinks with and spit ball some ideas. If nerves or inexperience are thwarting this process, do explore some online resources to see what is out there and available for you. My best recommendation is to look for providers in your area and check out their social media, blog, and whatever else they have created for their audience. Remember, just because something is shown on a business website or profile, does not mean it has to be part of YOUR scene. It just means it could be, if that was your interest.

 Part Two: Search

Once you have a better idea of what your ideal scene looks like you are ready to look for your perfect facilitator. So clearly time to hit the Google. But don’t stop there, check out the top social media sites too. You do not want to have your options garnished by the failure of a vanilla algorithm. Not every excellent domme is an excellent web developer, and most of us chose to build and host our own sites for privacy and flexibility reasons. Try a variety of search queries, as they could bring up different results, by pairing key words like “Dominatrix”, “Mistress/Master”, “BDSM session”, “Fetish Provider”, “Kink” etc with
your geographic location. 

 Here again, a little bit of foresight is beneficial:

Do our interests require an experienced and knowledgeable professional?

    This might seem like a silly question. Of course you want the most professional pro to help with your journey! But not all kinks are equally specialized. For example most providers who have undergone basic training can safely conduct a scene with easier activities such as foot fetish, erotic humiliation, or tease and denial. They do not need 10 years of dungeon experience to spit in your face. But if you are craving an intricate rope bondage scene with suspension, or the sting of a single tail on your back, it is probably best to carefully select a person who is not only experienced in BDSM but also adept at those particular activities. Look for examples of their work on their social profiles, perhaps in their fetlife account, and maybe spend $10-$50 on premium content of theirs where you are able to confirm that this is something they can help you explore, safely.

Are our interests covered by the provider we have found?

     Most providers work with all genders but every professional is unique in at least some ways, so be sure to check their limits and services. Most established providers will have a set list of “do not do”s somewhere on their website. Do not try to push those, if they don’t do it, they will not do it for new clients, no matter how sexy you are. Simply find a person who does offer your interest. 

     Tip: It may help you to know that most North American BDSM providers do not mix vanilla sex, like hand jobs or any type of classic sexual intercourse scenario, in their scenes. For those types of scenes you may find more luck with an escort who also practices BDSM. 

Will we be safe with them?

    This may just be the most important question you can ask yourself. From privacy to physical well being, you want the scene to be enjoyable from the start until the finish and after it is said and done. Remember that the adult industry is unregulated, and even with regulated businesses bad pro’s are unfortunately part of life. 

Signs that your choice is safe are: 

  • They have been practicing for five or more years and have little or no drama surrounding them.
  • They have a robust social media presence, on multiple platforms. *longevity of social media accounts plays a small role here as we get disabled disproportionately compared to vanilla businesses.
  • They have a strong network of other professionals they work with both locally and abroad.

How much will it cost? And how do we pay?

This is a good time to ensure you are able to budget this service. As of 2021 the North American industry standard rate for full BDSM services starts at $400 for a single client’s first hour. Couples and more specialized scenes could be priced higher and multi hour scenes could be discounted at the provider’s discretion. Payment methods for the adult industry are usually limited by the larger processors. Do not be surprised if their website lists less popular methods of payment like PantheonPay, SpankPay, or even gift cards for the deposit and then requests cash only for the balance upon meeting. This information is generally available on their website to make it easier for you to plan and budget your leisure so make sure you take all the time you need to familiarize yourself with the journey ahead. I promise it can only add to your excitement and anticipation and remove any potential surprises that would take away from the overall experience.


Contacting your Mistress of Choice

Okay but we are still nervous.

Nervous is good, take as many steps as you need. Here are some examples of steps you can take to build your confidence:

Book a consultation – Most providers will offer a phone or cam consultation for the cost of your deposit which then reserves your scene. So it is free to consult with them when you book after. This gives you a chance to ask questions, hear their words and intent, and get to know them a little more personally before it is time to exchange power. 

Register for a pay to chat service they may offer like sextpanther or nite flirt and ask them as many questions as you want, a la carte, for as long as you need, until you feel ready to book.

See if they offer a casual meet and greet scene where you pay for their time to just sit and talk about anything you need to get off your chest with no obligation or pressure to book.

Okay, we are ready, now what?

So you did your homework, discovered some new things about yourselves, found the person who seems most qualified and compatible to take you on a wild ride, and are beyond excited to do the damn thing already. Great, it is all downhill from here! 

Now that you have dotted all your “i”s and crossed all your “t”s it is time to contact them for your session. There are two ways to do this which are vastly preferred by practitioners in the industry:

Filling out an application: If they have an application on their website, it is guaranteed their preferred method of contact for a booking. We tend to put careful thought into those, walking you through all the details you may be too nervous to remember when writing an email. Take some pressure off yourself and just fill out the form! 

Composing an email: So maybe you are not that nervous and you hold pride in your composition skills. By all means, we love to be wooed with words. Here are some detrimental details you do not want to forget:

Your location – Many of us travel and may have ads in multiple cities, omitting this is sure to get a reply asking you to either fill out the application or provide your desired booking location.

Your availability – It may seem polite to simply ask for ours in an effort to be most accommodating, but the truth is our schedules are very dynamic and sometimes chaotic and it is simply easier to ask if we are available during any of your most convenient times.

Your interests and limits – although you will have a chance to discuss those immediately prior to the scene, it helps to have them in writing in your initial correspondence.

Your desired scene length or budget – It is up to you which of these factors is more important. But for planning purposes we need at least one of the two. 

What to expect

Provided your request was successfully received and did not raise any red flags, such as you blatantly asking for locally illegal or unavailable services, you can expect an email correspondence back within 3 business days or less. This does mean you want to plan your experience ahead and give at least a business week’s notice, especially if your availability falls during high demand times such as evenings or weekends.

This is by no means an all inclusive guide, but it should help steer you in the right direction. Questions are always welcome. You never know when something you asked could become the next piece to helps hundreds of readers just like yourself. 

Your lovely partner and I congregating about the faith of your immediate future.
Models Charlotte Brooke and Isobel Devi.

How to Book a BDSM Session

Mistress Isobel Devi on a cozy seat in her library

Booking a session with a dominatrix or fetish service provider can feel daunting. Here is a concise guide on how to easily book your appointment with me. Note that this may not be the process other providers like, this is simply my protocol for efficiently setting up your appointment with me.

     This procedure has been updated to reflect my most recent booking options as of March 22 2021.

Before Booking

     Spend as much time as you are able to reading about my kinks, art, and domination style on my website www.Isobel-Devi.com . You can find ways to chat with me, watch my videos, or view my subscription only content which provides an intimate look into my scenes and shows. Be sure to read the FAQ on the landing page and note my limits when you are considering the type of scene you would like to experience.

The DATES tab will provide you with insight on my travels if you are booking for a tour.

To view my live availability check my books. You can now also request a booking directly via that calendar.

Booking

Booking is now as easy as requesting your appointment directly from the scheduler! Simply choose the appointment type and length you would like to book and take a look at the options available, then place your request. Note that this system will not allow you to book a time slot sooner than 24hours for dungeon scenes or 72 hours for weekend social meetings.

The old system, where you fill out an application and wait for an email reply, is still active. However it is much slower than simply checking my schedule ahead of time and directly requesting your desired appointment, as I tend to only check applications on Mondays and Wednesdays.

Bookings are reserved on a deposit first basis and your requested time may be booked out by another person in the time you make the request and place your deposit. It is best to send the deposit within 3 days of me confirming my availability for your request and providing you the deposit amount and methods to avoid this.

For new clients, deposit options outside of the scheduler are Spank Pay and Pantheon Pay. Other options may be available to repeat clients. Please wait until our second or third meeting to ask.

Last Minute Bookings

Last minute bookings are still possible through manual booking. To book with less than 24 hours for dungeon scenes, or less than 72 hours for weekend social meets, send an email titled “Time Sensitive – your name as it appears in the payment” and include a $40 payment via Pantheon Pay , or if you have been given previous permission to, CashApp or PayPal.
Alternatively you may try to reach me via paid chat where I tend to reply within the day, usually within the hour or less, Monday – Saturday.

Once Booked

If you used the online scheduler, you will immediately receive an email confirming your booking date, time and details. 

     If you booked manually, please wait up to 24 hours for further instructions. I will reply as soon as I’m able to with a confirmation and check-in instructions.

     If there is time between the booking and appointment and you wish to discuss the scene in more detail, contact me via paid chat or send $100 to Pantheon Pay and contact me via email or text my booking line to schedule your chat session.

     Please do not blow up my booking line or email if I’m slow to reply during any part of this process. It can take me up to 48 business hours to reply to communications that are not time sensitive, such as a booking scheduled a few days or weeks in advance.  I will always reply to time sensitive matters as soon as I am able to do so, without affecting any existing bookings. 

Abuse of my contact methods will result in a cancellation without a deposit refund and a possible booking ban.

     Check in for your appointment via text or email 24 -12 hours before. You will not receive the address until this step. Please do not ask for the address early, you may request an approximate location for commute planning purposes in advance.

Post Scene

If you wish to check in after the scene, I welcome polite emails to reflect on our time together or ask any questions. Texting is ok as long as it is done Monday – Saturday 10am – 8pm.

Mistress Isobel Devi checking her book in a latex catsuit.
Now where did those records go…

What to do when finances are a set back

Denver Dominatrix Isobel Devi and her slave enjoying a snack.

     Sometimes life gives us lemons and nobody wants to buy lemonade. This is not my problem and you would be wise to not bring it to my attention in a futile hope for a charitable donation for your cause. I am not a charity and you may have nothing for free. However, if money is an issue I have tasks that can be done in exchange for rewards in personal attention.  Think of them as slave quests.

      The very first thing you should do is follow me on Instagram and Twitter. Free, high quality content is uploaded there every day. DO NOT DM me unless requested to do so. Subscribe to notifications and engage with and share my important content such as schedule updates and kinky advice. 

My YouTube channel is also free and offers advice for latex enthusiasts like myself. Subscribing to it and engaging with my content helps my visibility, so even if you cannot contribute with more than your time and attention, others who can will have a better chance of finding me.

Polite, platform specific terms of service appropriate comments are always welcomed and a preferred way for me to engage with my community. Feel free to ask questions, if you are wondering, someone else might be too. As long as you are kind and thoughtful about it, it will be a positive contribution.

     Rewards for excellent virtual service will be awarded on a case by case basis. Ways to gain my favor include promotion of my work and projects, support in the community by recommending me as a professional to others, and  completing free tasks that aid me through my work days. Free tasks are always posted on My twitter. Types of rewards include permissions to DM, free niteflirt minutes, and custom photos or mini clips. 

     In addition to support, recognizing content of mine that has been pirated and reporting it to the appropriate party, such as the platform moderation team or myself, is a perfect example of being in virtual service of your dominant. This includes events and businesses that have used my photos without crediting me, tube sites that have ripped off my clips, and impostor profiles pretending to be me and marring my image with scam activity.

     I am grateful for any and all selfless service I receive from my subjects.