Ever have to keep a secret about one of the most exciting things that has ever happened in your life? Me either until May of 2021. It was a challenge, and I mostly pretended to myself it never even happened in the first place to curb the overwhelming desire to chat everyone’s ear off about it. I could really not, I had signed a non disclosure. But now it is out and I can finally share my amazing experience with you all!
It is likely you have already seen the show “How to Build a Sex Room” on Netflix, apparently many people have because it hit #7 on the charts last week. My excitement is exceeding my vocabulary capabilities right now and I am so grateful for everyone who believed in me along the way to this great moment.
Couples counseling is one of my most coveted professional undertakings. Not only do I get to experience the excitement and joy of two people at once, but I can help them grow together through their sexual deviations in a healthy and constructive way. The emotional reward of introducing couples to BDSM and helping them find the activities they like most in a safe way is immeasurable. So when I was approached by Netflix to help them film a docu series about couples wanting to explore their sexuality in the BDSM realms I was absolutely ecstatic and also very honored.
Working with Melanie Rose
As an added bonus this project placed me at work with one of the best in Interior Design and more interestingly, adult themed interior design. Melanie Rose was a pleasure to converse with and had a lot of foresight and mindful intuition in her tool bag. I could tell she really enjoyed creating these magical spaces for her client and in a way that was a big common ground for us. The joy of a happy customer who just found intimate fulfillment with their partner is special and she was not afraid to push these curious bunnies to experiment and taste things that are new and a little intimidating to them. After all they get a WHOLE sex room, there ought to be lots to explore there.
Self exploration is daunting, like most things with high rewards. Coercing these lovers out of their comfort zone was almost a prerequisite to giving them an adult wonderland in their own home or back yard. Melanie did a wonderful job pushing her clients to experiment with the unknown and precarious and introducing them to some of the exciting activities and scenes they can play with. Now that they know what is out there for them to enjoy, they can make a choice to taste from any and all the treats they wish, as much as they want, and as often as they like. They say growth begins at the edge of your comfort zone, and I do believe she led them there in the most fun and exciting way.
Working with Hannah and Wesley
I think my whipping scene with 46 may have intimidated Hannah and Wesley a bit! But after we were able to introduce each other they were very sweet and fun to play with. Through the magic of TV we were able to figure out their favorite dungeon props in no time at all. But in reality we spent a while chatting, laughing about silly and awkward questions and fears and ideas, and after testing out several implements and devices, getting excited for the stuff that made her eyes twinkle.
We talked through some of her fears around bondage and how he can work towards making them less relevant in their relationship and more accessible to them. We discussed techniques to enter intimate space gracefully and maintain the atmosphere for the duration of their scenes. A lot of BDSM is psychological, like playing pretend for adults. Not everyone has a natural inclination to be a good BDSM actor and player, but this is a skill that anyone can learn and perfect with enough practice. Who would not want to check that chore off their list?
The room Melani Designed for Hannah and Wesley is a work of fine art. It brought a smile to my face to see all the little elements of our consultation and tasting brought to life in such an opulent way.
How to Build a Sex Room
As a professional control haver, giving up control to a TV production company was very daunting for me. I worried about representing my community and industry and also giving the clients a productive and quality experience. So when the show came out I was up at 1 in the morning watching it and reeling with excitement.
Never has TV been more open and concerned about showcasing the adult industry in such a positive way. This is the series we all needed right now. The “sex rooms” are elegant and awe inspiring. They offer unlimited pleasures in exchange for your intimate imagination. I loved hearing Melanie talk about the importance and nuance of consent and helping guide coples to stroll further into their desires and fantasies through sensuality and communication. No drama and bs, just positive exploration of people’s personal indulgences. A breath of fresh air for anyone hoping to normalize the idea of sexual liberation.