Social nuances can be perplexing. We all want to be seen, heard, understood, and hopefully liked. But how those prizes are earned can vary greatly between different groups and individuals. Every person is unique, and has their own personal preferences, making socializing in unfamiliar spaces a nebulous undertaking. BDSM, especially when mindfully practiced, can lift a lot of this fog. Do you yearn to be good and earn all the head pats?
Good behaviors start with good intentions, but so do a lot of terrible mistakes so don’t stop now, we are just getting to the good part, the part where your hopes and dreams begin their journey to realization. I only speak for myself with this collection of thoughts, but it is worth noting that some of my peers have shared my sentiments on what constitutes a good boy, girl, pet, slave, client, and human. All of the following topics begin with a few minutes, or more if you should be feeling extra cautious, of thoughtful contemplation. Is your request clear and concise? Is it a reasonable ask of the addressee? Have you offered anything of equal or greater value in exchange for their attention and help?
Here are what I consider good behaviors.
Online
In my robust internet dweller experience, some 24 years and two thirds of my life online, this is one of the trickiest undertakings. Here you are in front of the world wide web, vying for the attention of some person or people, me maybe. How do you stand out in a good way?
First make an effort to appear genuine. There is no need to put out any personal or sensitive information, you can be anonymous from your civilian persona, but also known online for being a good intentioned person. Always fill out your social media profiles as honestly as you can, giving people a glimpse of your personality, so they can decide if they would like to get to know you better.
Make an effort to always contribute positive or helpful things to conversations. Sadly that arsenal of dad jokes is not going to work in many cases. If it is not helpful or uplifting, pass on making the comment.
Be patient. People are skeptical, and busy. It takes time to build a good reputation, and no time at all to trash one you have worked hard on. Find understanding that your light will eventually be seen by all who should be looking for its warmth in time.
Things to avoid:
- Airing out personal drama.
- Trying to have free kinky chat with people in post comments.
- Making emotional commentary on topics outside of your expertise.
- Attacking people over petty personal beliefs and preferences.
- Bringing politics into anything without a very good reason.
- Cherry picking statements to get attention for something irrelevant.
Written Communication
Let us make this a little more personal. You are writing an email to me for the first time ever and you really want to make a good impression so that I can be excited to reply back as soon as possible. Here are some writing behaviors I find very attractive:
Speak in complete sentences and with proper grammar. Please do not abbreviate anything in your correspondences and double check emails for typos and auto-correct issues prior to hitting send. I have no way of knowing what you meant, only what I see written by you. Seeing a well written email with all pertinent information included gives me confidence that our interactions will be easy and pleasant, and starts our relationship on a healthy note.
Send one email at a time. If I am traveling or preoccupied with existing projects it may take me up to two days to respond. Send a gentle reminder if it has been a few days and you feel your correspondence may have slipped through the cracks.
During Booking
What about when you are booking a session? Are there ways you can shine as an applicant? If you are writing an email to request a booking the following tips could provide you the leverage you are seeking:
Only use email or the scheduler to book. I have locked most of my social media DMs to save those feeble to temptation, but do have some social media accounts where this is not convenient or possible. Do not take this as an invitation to stray from the rules. Make a good impression and inquire for sessions only via email or my online scheduling forms.
Tell me a little bit about yourself. But do not get too carried away writing a whole life story. The things I would like to know about include your interests, brief recounts from previous sessions and kinky scenes, Mistresses you have served in the past, and any limitations you are operating under. Try to keep your composition within a few paragraphs. Getting to know each-other in depth little by little, and through experience versus autobiography is deeply satisfying.
Leave graphic topics out of your first point of contact. Keeping your first point of contact concise is key. Getting into the nitty-gritty details of past adventures can be read as an attempt to initiate un-consented-to play through text and is generally regarded as rude. If a preemptive discussion is desired or needed, contact me via sextpanther or Loyal Fans to discuss in detail. Note that the exchange of money for penetrative activities, such as strap-on, is illegal in all states where sex for money is illegal. Talking about your fantasy on the phone however, is not. So feel free to call or text and discuss your kink with me in a safe space.
Once an invitation to book has been extended you will also be presented with deposit methods to secure your booking via email. I will never send you booking instructions via social media or a pay site where such arrangements would be against the terms of service. It shows preparedness and respect to clear the deposit step as soon as instructions have been received.
During Scenes
Maybe in person interactions are your kryptonite. Having a clear plan for the meeting helps ease nerves and keep a steady path through.
Upon arrival. If you have arrived to an appointment much earlier than anticipated, politely wait until your appointment time, or text to check if it is possible to start sooner.
Once inside my private space an upstanding approach is to politely kiss the Mistresses hand in greeting. Kneeling while doing so gets you extra bonus points, as does kissing the feet. I love to have my feet kissed.
For the next few minutes you may ask questions and become a bit more familiar with the environment. Utilize this time well because once it is over, you are mine to do with as I please. When the time has come, place your envelope in plain sight, kneel, minding your eye contact restriction, and wait for my next command.
In Real Life
We kinky people are also normal people sometimes. We go to restaurants, shop at stores, and can even be found at events and venues having a good time living our best vanilla lives. It should go without saying, fantasy cannot intrude on reality and I would never approach someone I only know from the kink scene during their vanilla life and risk blowing some cover or secret. Likewise it is never ok to approach me or any other providers or public figures in vanilla spaces without an explicit invitation to do so. The correct approach is to politely make contact via an established method, like email or text, and allow me to make the decision whether I want to interact with you at that moment in time. Erring on the side of caution and sending an email or text saying “I saw you at that concert, you looked beautiful, I hope you had fun!” is a perfect way to address that newly discovered common interest without the risk of arousing suspicion. Extra bonus points if there is a gift attached to that note.
A perceptive little pervert may have noticed a theme here, be mindful and consider the positions others have in life when you are making a conscious decision to address them. Be kind, patient, and respectful. None of these suggestions require prohibitive skill levels or financial contributions. They simply guide you to showing the most attractive version of who you can be, so that you can enjoy the company of many other great weirdos and heathens, maybe even mine.
